Just a Number....

Like the photo above, the talk of elderly drivers is usually humorous in nature, good hearted ribbing, etc. But this morning on the news was an actual story of a 90-year-old driver who had been involved in an accident with a motorcyclist. The driver was found at fault and the biker lost a leg due to his injuries in the accident. He is now pursuing a new law, regulating the licensing and driving of elderly individuals.

So, of course people are already screaming age discrimination and on that principle, I agree. But the truth is, there has long been argument that people's rights cannot be protected at the expense of others' personal safety. There was an attorney on the news as well, clarifying that the actual legal argument was that there needed to be testing, especially for vision and reaction time, after a certain age.

Next came a parade of elderly individuals, predominantly spry and capable looking, touting their qualifications, insisting they were actually better drivers, due to their years of experience.

So far, good arguments on both sides. My side is this;

We don't let twelve-year-olds drive and no one screams age dicrimination. Their age does not afford them the cognitive ability to safely operate a vehicle. It has long been taught that as the elderly get older, they return to a similar state as when they were a baby, toddler and small child. People who have seizures cannot drive and no one screams disability discrimination.

The fact is, nothing that endangers others can be allowed, for the sake of free will. Testing for drivers, at whatever age or intervals the Department of Transportation sees fit, is not unfair. Having a license is a privilege that has to be earned by taking and passing a test. The state in which this accident occurred, did not require a driving or vision test for renewal. Just complete a written refresher quiz and pay the fee!

In Arizona, a driver's license is good for fifty years. How does this make sense? The photo would not even match.

We have to be careful we don't do more harm than good, when blinded by the pursuit of our almighty rights.

Reaching Out

It's been an interesting week. A recurring theme has come to me, which has to do with people reaching out to one another, to connect, to communicate, to intersect in some way. This isn't always good. It isn't always anything. As is true with everything people do, every encounter can be as different as night and day.

On the one hand, what happens when you feel like you want to reach out to someone, maybe a friend, an acquaintance or even a stranger, because you feel you can help. Perhaps some life event has found you and this person on common ground, sharing some struggle or even a triumph. I received two emails this week, from mothers of disabled children, both whose children were injured unexpectedly, as mine was, right around the same time as my child. We have been in contact through the internet and somehow this week, we came together, all dealing with similar parenting challenges. Due to my knowledge of our shared topic, I feel at ease sharing my opinions, my lessons and my failures.

At the same time, a college course I am taking brought to mind some difficult experiences I had as a child. I have an acquaintance, whose child is going through a similar time and I felt like perhaps I could shed some light, give her some insight that her child could not. But I was not so confident as with my other fellow mothers. Sometimes the messenger is the enemy and I worried that I could incorrectly be comparing myself to her child and that it may actually offend her. So, as much as I wanted to bring her some relief, I opted for a generic message of goodwill, sharing my hope that she and her son come together.

Yesterday was my birthday and I received two very unexpected messages from long lost family members that I haven't spoken to in years. One is a peaceful estrangement, one is someone I have no desire to reconnect with. But the two of them are close, so I have always accepted that the one relationship would have to be a casualty of the other. But the 'peaceful' messages have continued and I am considering responding in a guarded way, to test the waters or at least share a conversation, even if we return to estrangement. I am so afraid to open that door.

Meanwhile, I dabble in online dating. This is the craziest experiment in human connection I have ever experienced. There are so many facets, each of which is worthy of their own blog. How honest are these profiles and what type of dating and relationship experiences have led their participants to reach out to one another in this non-traditional way? When your only initial connection with a stranger is typing and looking at photos, how is it that real emotions can thrive? How much of the way people feel is within themselves and how much is truly a reaction to this other person?

I guess I have never had so much human contact with new people as I have this week. I see it as a good thing, no matter what the root or the outcome. We have to live and touch one another and grow.

Product Warning... Dawn* Power Dissolver

This is a spray bottle, that advertises that it is to be sprayed on pots, pans, glassware, etc... to 'dissolve' baked on, hard to remove food, without scrubbing and faster than soaking. Great!

Now, there is always an amount of risk, skepticism when trying a new product. If it works, it works, if not, I chalk it up to a lesson learned. BUT... simply not working, was the least of my troubles here.

Not only did this $5, smallish bottle of creamy junk NOT work, it actually caked itself on to my dishes, a gritty, almost paint like film, that DOES NOT come off. No amount of soaking or scrubbing helped. I actually had to throw dishes away!!!

Sorry Dawn... no stars, no thumbs. :/

Four Reviews in One! ~

One Day, by David Nicholls
Loved it.
I mean, really loved it, maybe a little too much, maybe until the end. But my disdain was purely personal and not a reflection on the book. You see, I thought I was Emma.
Em and Dex, Dex and Em. When Dexter and Emma are together, they can be fabulous and they can be disastrous. Don’t we all have someone like that in our lives? Beginning in college, they forge a bond and whether they are together every day or let years lapse between their meetings, they are always in each other’s hearts and minds, answering questions they haven’t asked and questioning life decisions they haven’t witnessed.
Somewhere along the line there is flirting, one crazy night, lingering thoughts of something more and even one of those silly promises… “If we never marry, when we’re forty…”
One Day visits each of them on the same day, every year on the same date, a perspective that while interesting and fun, did not over shadow the story or feel forced. I actually forgot about the date angle more than once. Of course the ending brought everything full circle.
For me, One Day was personal, poignant, perhaps a little too close to home. But aside from that, Emma and David were perfectly written and true to their characters. I found myself expecting them to do things, not in a predictable way, but in a way that showed I had come to know them and had expectations, dare say hope for what they would say or do. Ironically, they spend the better part of the book, and their lives, apart. But they are always together.
One Day spoke to me about dreams, disappointment and being true to ourselves with the painful, final message being; Don’t wait. Do not wait.

A Thousand Roses, by Numi Ash
Second on my list of ‘marriage pact’ titles, was A Thousand Roses, by Numi Ash.
Anne DuMonde has her issues. She’s a clutz, unladylike, unrefined and according the images created by author descriptions, I would say unattractive. Yet we are expected to believe that her now dashing and successful, grade school sweetheart has come back to reclaim her after a childhood marriage pact and being separated by disapproving parents. I know, looks aren’t everything, but it wasn’t just looks after all. I have never seen two characters more opposite than Anne & Jake Castle. Despite this annoying theme, I couldn’t put it down. So, what makes a good book? Is the fact that the characters annoyed me ok, as long as the story had me hooked? I’m still not sure.
Despite the romantic undertones, A Thousand Roses included not one mystery, but several. Maybe this made up for the annoying Anne & Jake. I guess my bottom line is that I may have still read the book intently, but also walked away liking the book, had Anne been a little more endearing, had Jake been a little less perfect.
The Marriage Pact, by MJ Pullen
Marci was born in Atlanta, Georgia, where she grew up and attended college at UGA. During those years she forged strong friendships, with Suzanne, Rebecca… and Jake. Jake always floated somewhere between flirty coed and sweet older brother, until one night when too much tequila led to a cocktail napkin contract, to marry when they were thirty, if they hadn’t married anyone else.
Ten years later, Marci is in love with Doug, her married boss in Austin, Texas, when she receives the email from Jake, hoping to collect on that promise. It may have been forgotten in the trash folder, had her secret affair not fallen apart soon after, sending her running back to Atlanta, and leaning on Suzanne, Rebecca…and Jake. This is where we all assume a happy ending is not far away, but of course, Doug shows up in Atlanta!
The Marriage Pact, for me, was a close second to One Day, without all the personal meaning and sentiment. The story is believable, with real people, real problems and a realistic, albeit bumpy ending. Life is bumpy. Meanwhile, the ‘marriage pacts’ are three for three!

**

On August 19, 2011 One Day was released in theaters, starring Anne Hathaway & Jim Sturgess…

I absolutely love when I get to see a movie, of which I have already read the book! This time, it was totally planned and intentional, as I read the book, about three weeks before the movie was released. Seeing a movie after you have read the book, is of course, different. You already know quite a bit, but the fun part is what you do not know. They can change a little or they can change a lot!
So the review becomes first, about the changes. If there were few changes, you may find yourself simply restating your original opinion. But there are almost always changes!! Then your review becomes two things… one, did I like the changes, why and why not; two, how did the changes reshape the overall story and is it so new and different, that I am now reviewing something different altogether? It can be tricky. If you really loved the book, too many changes can offend and then you have a hard time giving the ‘new’ story a fair shake. Here we go…
The on-screen version of One Day, was the most accurate I have ever seen. There were some omissions, but for the most part it seemed they were left out only to save time and space. There is a certain something ‘missing’ when you see a movie that you’ve already essentially seen in your mind’s eye. You don’t gasp at the surprising moments, because you aren’t surprised. That anticipation is missing, but when you enjoy the book, this sacrifice is understood. My fellow movie goers were sufficiently shocked and entertained at the appropriate moments. 
I recommend the book and the movie, but if you don’t like doing both, you won’t be disappointed in one without the other.

The Marriage Pact

Anyone who loves Julia Roberts like I do, can probably give us a play by play of those opening few scenes of My Best Friend's Wedding, when Julianne nervously contemplates the possibility of Micheal trying to collect on a twenty year old promise. Laughable right? But most things in romance movies are dreamt up from some kernel of reality, aren't they?

I think they are.

I've heard of the marriage pact. How it starts can vary. Maybe a boy and girl have never even experienced love, sitting in a tree house, wondering if they'll end up like their quarreling parents. They get along great, so a brilliant plan is born. Or it happens later, after the fiftieth broken heart. In desperation they search for something that would atleast guarantee a happy ending, a light at the end of the tunnel. This is when it would seem it's a little more complicated. If you know love, would you really contemplate marrying someone, you didn't love, lust after, long for? So are you suggesting settling down with a friend when all hope is lost, OR do you actually have feelings for that friend you have never explored or admitted??

I know this may sound all hypothetical and crazy, but I have heard of marriage pacts between more than a few people. Being single again, I ran across a book with the same name and it got me thinking. I searched my Kindle a little more and found there were actually several ficticious, although believable stories or some variations of the convenient covenants. So, I decided to read them.

Coming soon, reviews of;
A Thousand Roses, by Numi Ash

The Marriage Pact, by M.J. Pullen

One Day, David Nicholls (also made into a movie, in theatres 8/19/11)

...followed by more discussion and maybe, I'll share my own story of a marriage pact. :)

Me? Falling For the E-Book?

I don't remember the class, the instructor, or the subject matter, but I heard once that a 10% return is a reasonable expectation when marketing a product. If you made 100 cold calls, 10 would bite...or something like that.

I've been investigating the idea of marketing my books online only, cut out queries and pitches, submissions and reading fees. The DIY of publishing. I had long abandoned this idea, preferring traditional publishing, until I read some recent stories in the New York Times and Salon.com. Of course few in the world of writing haven't heard about the 'million' made by selling a million e-books. But I also read about bookstores now charging admission to book signings and author meet and greets, because business is so bad and they need the money. They blame this, for the most part, on the e-book.

I'm rethinking everything.

There are on average 62.4 million avid book readers in the United States. Mind you, e-books can be purchased from anywhere in the world, with one click, but I'm thinking small. Let's cut that in half to be even more modest. Then taking my ten percent, since the other ninety may have no interest in my genre, style or story... 3.12 million dollars, if I sold an e-book for a buck.

Coming soon, to a Kindle near you....

Abusing Books & Writing In Bed

This morning I lay in my bed, pondering life's losses, thinking I needed to be writing. I've been trying to write for a greeting card company and they recommend speaking from the heart, as if you were writing to someone you cared about. Something came to me, and as usual I had too much written in my head when it occurred to me I would never remember it all. I rolled over to my nightstand, where there is a cup of pens, but no paper. What kind of writer am I? No paper? The kind with a laptop downstairs I suppose, but there was a reason I was still in bed and I wasn't ready to abandon it. Next to the pens and picture frame and nail polish, was the book I was reading before bed; Trading Up, by Candace Bushnell. Yes, I do dream of Central Park and the MOMA, who doesn't?

Anyway, I thought of writing my mind's scribbles in those two or three blank pages that every book has and immediately remembered one of my closest friends critiquing a book of mine a long time ago. Maybe it was Two Sides of Wilde? The character, Amelia Hiller, (yes, it was Wilde)who owned a bookstore, had folded over the corner in a page of her book, to mark it, as she got up to do something or other. My friend, a writer, had scolded me, insisting "no true book lover would ever dog ear a page like that." It made me sad as I considered myself a 'true' book lover and I dog ear all the time, or at least I did. My shame has since caused me to collect bookmarks.

I always thought the more rough a book looked, the more loved it had been. I mean what are headers and margins for anyway? I imagined dog ears and notes in the margins and God forbid coffee stained pages! That's a book that's been around, shared...read. I know, a first edition of Wuthering Heights is a different story, but we live in the day of mass publication and paperback.

So I did it. I wrote my greeting card snippet before the title page of Trading Up. I wonder if my friend, or Candace, or Carrie would approve? :)


p.s.

I wrote half of this blog in my phone, before finally rummaging around the room to find a tiny notebook. At least I didn't have to go downstairs. When I write with one ear on the mattress, I can hear my penstrokes and nothing else.